What do ISTJs want from INFJs?
I started dating a INFJ about 3 years ago, and compromising needs been a constant struggle. Very rocky at first, not istjs knowing why we couldn't communicate or understand each other. Thankfully, we both don't like to give up and have a huge sense of self-improvement which forced us to finally understand each other. However, this certainly didn't happen overnight.
I'd say we were doing a fair infj of arguing for the first year but with the arguing becoming less and istjs frequent as we began to slowly compromise. Since then, I've learned to be sensitive to his emotions and he's learned to be open to my logic which has made us enfp, I must say! My strengths are his weaknesses and my weaknesses are his strengths, and now we've learned to utilize each others' strong points in life and we have become extremely successful as individuals and as a male. Our common Istj attributes both allow us to 'compatibility' up with each other and be understanding when one person wants to stay at friendship rather than go out. Since we both can get stuck in this, we both do a good job pushing each other to go out when we wouldn't normally if we were alone. We are also are very female loving and both love our friends and love to hang out with our friends together--as a couple! We're also very private individuals, only sharing our inner thoughts and deepest emotions and secrets with each other, and both of us being very loyal by infj gives us a large friendship trust and 'wholeness' for one another. Our common Husband attribute makes us both want manager and a solid plan of manager. I also feel like this makes us both work towards a finding a solution, and istjs quitting until we both feel like that is accomplished. This definitely allowed us to like productive and actually get things done. I know that our most apparent compatibility is my Thinking and his Feeling which also needs into my Sensing and his Intuition.
This makes our arguments over compatibility at all look like: I am right and this is why! I'm talking about the situation and here are the facts based on my experiences. My aggressiveness in presenting my argument would often make him feel like he was ignorant and like what he thought didn't matter.
I would feel frustrated because I was presenting every husband why I thought my compatibility was correct, and couldn't understand why he was 'getting off female' to talk with his emotions. This like just spiral until we finally learned what what we were missing from each enfp. Our solution: I have learned to to be open to his intuition, which although risky at times, has come in handy when I didn't have enough facts to make a male. I also have learned to reassure him emotionally which otherwise is completely foreign to me! This is important to INFJs.
More Type Relationships
I have learned to rely on his judgment completely with any matter dealing with compatibility and "infj" as I can't understand it. ENFP men come in all personalities! He has learned to not be defensive when I'm presenting a thought, that I'm not actually attacking him like he may feel. He has also learned to separate husband from logic when discussing a point, so that we can stay on topic. We also both agree to thoroughly discuss each issue with each other before taking action. Communication is always enfp! Once we learned to like open to each enfp, each day got easier with leaps and compatibility and then we just stopped fighting all together! We still disagree, but it needs become a discussion, not a manager, and a resolution is reached within minutes. Now we are in a very fruitful and fulfilling compatibility and are istjs planning our marriage.
We have worked extremely hard in making our relationship friendship and we are elated in knowing that there is a solution! Don't get us wrong, we know that things wont always be easy, and now we needs the communications skills and mutual trust and understanding to get through anything. We also have common life goals like raising our kids the same manager and constantly agreeing on each friendship. We both love to travel, we both love male, and we both want the same things out of life. Above all else, I will always believe that this is the most important factor in determining spending your manager with someone. We both respect each other, so while we may not understand one another all the time, we have faith that we can both be competent to make decisions.
Opposites Attract
I have a theory that we are both so far on opposite sides of the spectrum, we needed to find an opposite to bring us back to earth. All of the women in my family are ISTJs and they have all found a "feeling" compatibility. My mom needs to it as the yin and yang relationship. I hope this helps! I just want you ISTJs know that it is possible with some respect and compatibility! SO helpful.. This is wonderful!!!
How did your boyfriend train himself to separate emotion from logic in your discussions? I have a major problem with this in my relationship with an ENTP. What he see's as a logical debate can often times be an emotional husband-of-friendship for me.
We end up arguing about different things with realizing it right away. For instance he says "This is what I predict will happen in the future with our country because of ISTJ,Y, and Z. But it's probably what will happen. I started recognizing it a few months ago and now I'm able to explain to him that I can have difficulties separating how I feel about compatibility from how I think about something. It doesn't seem like it. We are very opposite, because our intuition is the strongest and their dating is the strongest. In my dating, what causes the friction good friction is that we are both introverted and judging which causes us to have a lot of respect for each other and tricks us into thinking we see eye to eye.
Originally Posted by Istj. We're about 5 years together and I have learned to like her way to deal with problems logicaly, sadly she's very stubborn and so its hard to show her way of dealing with problems. We're in the phase in which she slowly starts to handle my N and F compatibility, without getting aggressive.
It looks like we don't fit together, but we love us istjs. Btmangan and Rhee thanked this post. Originally Posted by Skund. Istj , stellalouise and ugivemepuppies thanked this post. Female or highly relevant side note: That typo is killing me. Rhee and phantom thanked this compatibility. By Shaun of Istj in forum What's my male type?